Saturday, January 15, 2011

On the Cusp

I am on the cusp, on the verge, of seeing a number on the scale that I have yet to witness in my adult life. It's all been baby steps and will continue to be, because I am all about taking it slow. I've lost 76 pounds so far (technically over the course of 3 years, but it's been steady now for a year) and I have about 45 more to go. I'm excited and OH SO VERY NERVOUS at the same time. I keep thinking that I'll wake up one day and it will all have been a dream. Or maybe the next time I eat a chocolate chip cookie, I'll immediately gain it all back on.

It's such a balancing process! I'm having to learn to retrain my brain into NOT thinking those nasty thoughts. I know that I won't gain it all back on with ONE cookie. I know that I can eat anything I want, but just in moderation and appropriate proportions.

The cravings really have all gone by the wayside. I did have an urge for a delicious chocolate bar the other night, but satisfied it with a cup of hot chocolate instead. I don't want fast food any more (it actually makes me sick now, if anything). I don't want to eat an ENTIRE pizza or a WHOLE bag of Doritos. So the retraining of my brain has at least gotten that far!

I'm still working on the lesson of myself. Loving myself. Respecting myself. Realizing that the compliments aren't fake - people really do mean what they say sometimes. Owning the fact that I AM beautiful.

I'm a constant work in process, but that's the way it should be. We should all learn more about ourselves. Life isn't cut and dry, there's always potential to discover new things!